Blended Families

This week in my family relations class, the topic was divorce and remarriage. We discussed in length about blended families. I am indirectly affected by a blended family. My dad was 40 years old with seven children, when he and my mom were married. At the time, she was 26 years old, and only eight years older than her oldest step twin daughters. She became a grandma when she became a mother!

She and my dad had three children together. I am the youngest child, ten in total. However, I am seven years younger than my closest sibling, so my siblings are quite older than I am. My oldest twin sisters are 28 years older than me. Five of my siblings are old enough to be my parents. When I was born, I was already an aunt. I became a great-aunt when I turned 16. I have nieces and nephews who are younger than me that are starting their families before I do. It’s an interesting family to be apart of! It’s been an adjustment getting used to the different dynamics of our family.

Here are some suggestions for blended families-

Step-parent: Take on the role of an engaged aunt/uncle

Parent- Handle all of the heavy discipline

Discuss the roles of each parent behind closed doors

My teacher has worked with many families, including his own with that process and seen great results. From my experience, I can understand how it would great benefit all involved to implement those guidelines.

This is my last blog post for this class. Thank you to all of my readers for your support and comments! I greatly enjoyed having this blog. I also look forward to continuing it! 

Intimacy

The most sacred privilege give to us by God is having the ability to bring children into this world. We are expected to keep it sacred in our marriages, and also in our teachings to our children.

Here are some guidelines in having fidelity in your marriage-

·         Never be alone with the opposite sex

·         Be fiercely loyal

·         Have clear boundaries

·         The most important person is your spouse

·         Put your spouse first

·         Leave your parents and cleave unto your spouse

·         Give service to the opposite sex with your spouse

·         Make sure that your friends support your marriage

·         Love your spouse more than your children

·         Be unified and equal with your spouse in all things

·         Keep your covenants

·         Cleave unto your spouse and no one/nothing else

Here are some guidelines for parents in teaching your children the sacredness of intimacy-

·         The most important source of knowledge about sex is you 

·         Teach them boundaries for dating

·         Prepare your daughters for dating by having daddy-daughter dates

·         Have open communication with your children, so they feel safe and comfortable coming to you with their curiosities and questions

·         The age of when you start talking to your child about intimacy depends on the child and when they are ready

·         Teach them about modesty by your example

·         Teach them the importance of bridling their passions, have self-control and self-discipline

·         View clean and uplifting media

·         Teach them the sacredness of their bodies, compare it to the Temple

·         Line up your behavior with how you want them to become

·         Teach them the purpose that intimacy serves

·         Have appropriate affection with your spouse in front of your children

Leadership Meetings

In leadership meetings, it’s important for everyone in the group to be equal and all to be heard. Here are some guidelines for that to be accomplished-

1.      Focus on the fundamentals

-          The doctrine needs to remain pure

2.      Focus on the people

-          Review the needs of the members

-          Make sure everything said is in strict confidence

3.      Promote free and open expression

-          Everyone’s opinions should be valued

-          Leaders should listen as much as they speak

4.      Participation is a privilege

-          Follow the Lord’s will

-          Responsibility comes with leading

-          Advocate the position I believe is to be right

5.      Lead with love

D&C 121:41-42 Persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, kindness, pure knowledge 

Family Council

The family council method is given to families for their success and growth. It is patterned after the weekly meetings that the apostles have. Elder Ballard has great information about the subject through his books and conference talks. Here are the guidelines for the family council-

1.  Meet in a sacred place (home)
2.  Set aside a regular time each week
3.   Express love and appreciation
4.   Open with prayer, seeking to know God’s will
5.    Discuss topics until everyone comes to an agreement, regarding what the Lord would have happen
6.  Close with prayer, seeking to follow through with God’s will and express gratitude
7.  Have refreshments

My teacher explained to us that physical contact helps while having family council. When he and his wife have family council, they sit on their bed, and he massages her feet. That provides a connection between them while they discuss important matters.

I first learned about the council method last fall semester in one of my family classes at BYUI. Soon after we discussed it in class, I was having a difficult time with a roommate. I taught her the council method, we were able to implement it in our friendship, and it improved our relationship greatly and now we are close friends. It softens hearts, and it changes perspectives. I recommend this to everyone, especially those wanting to improve their relationships. 

Active Parenting

          This past week in my family relations class, our teacher had us watch the video series Active Parenting of Teens, before class. Here is the link to the 4 videos:
 http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.htmlStartCue=12&EndCue=1997&VideoName=1560_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.htmlStartCue=0&EndCue=1643&VideoName=1561_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.htmlStartCue=6&EndCue=1754&VideoName=1562_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.htmlStartCue=12&EndCue=2096&VideoName=1563_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

Each section is half an hour long, and I definitely recommend it to everyone. It’s not just for parents with teens, but also a great tool to strengthen relationships. The video teaches that we cannot not communicate. Even when we are speaking, we are still communicating. Through our body language, and actions. Here are some guidelines of active communicating-
1. Listen Actively
 2. Respond to feelings
3. Look for alternatives/evaluate consequences
4. Offer Encouragement
5. Follow up later

 Here are some ways to work through problems-
1. Use I statements
2. Explain how you feel about the problem
3. Explain why you have those feelings
4. Explain your desires/expectations
5. Give a firm reminder- short, simple, be respectful

 We as human beings all have needs. It’s important for those needs to be met, for us to have healthy emotional lives. Here is an example of some of those needs-
1. Power
2. Contact
3. Belonging
4. Protection

 “You can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need cannot satisfy you.”
 –John H Groberg

 How we discourage-
1. Expect too little
2. Focus on mistakes
3. Expect too much
4. Overprotect/pamper/enable

 How we encourage-
1. Show confidence
2. Build on strengths
3. Learn to value
 4. Stimulate independence