Oh the joys of dating!

This week in my family relations class, the topic was dating. Being at BYUI, it is discussed a lot, and sometimes feels monotonous. However, my teacher discussed things that were inspirational and very thought provoking. I would like to share some insights of my own with you, and hopefully you will be enlightened on the subject.

In Elder Oaks talk about dating, he gave three P’s regarding dating- planned, paired off, and paid for.  In the Family Proclamation to the World, it explains that the man’s responsibilities are to preside, protect, and provide. My teacher taught us how they correlate with each other:  

·         Planned-Preside

·         Paired Off-Protect

·         Paid for-Provide

I really love this concept, because it showed me how much dating really does prepare young men for marriage. In the Family Proclamation to the world, it teaches that women are to be nurturers in the home. Dating is also a place where young women can be nurturing in preparation for marriage.

In the book, “How to avoid falling in love with a jerk”, by John Van Epp, he describes the five steps to attachment:

1.      Know

2.      Trust

3.      Rely

4.      Commit

5.      Touch

In my experiences, relationships fail when the first three steps are missed, and couples go straight to the fourth and fifth step, without really taking the time to get to know, trust, and rely on each other.

The “know-quo” includes the 3 T’s during the dating process:

1.      Talk- Mutual self-disclosure

2.      Time-It takes a minimum of 3 months to begin to know someone

3.      Togetherness- Engage in wide range of activities

I have seen too many couples jump into engagement, without taking the time in getting to know the other person. There’s nothing wrong in knowing the person you will be with for the rest of your life, for at least one year, before you commit your whole self to them. Finding someone to marry is a process, and it takes time. I have personally set a goal of the timing I desire to have in my dating:

·         Friendship- 3 months

·         Date- 3 months

·         Courtship- 6 months

·         Engagement- 2 months

Grand Total=14 months