Women who love too much

In my family community and relationships class this week, we talked about intimate partner violence (IPV). We made a list on the board of how to prevent abuse in dating and also in marriage. Since this topic is unfortunately common, I want to share what I’ve learned and shed some light on it. The book “Women Who Love Too Much” by Robin Norwood explains the concept of women’s codependency on men. Codependency refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. The LDS church provides a love and sex addiction recovery program (ARP) for women. They incorporate the 12 steps with their sponsors into their healing. It is amazing to see the changes that take place in the members, as they let the atonement of Jesus Christ heal their wounds from their past. They finally start to take accountability for their actions and eventually their lives. They realize their wrongs and make restitution with those they have hurt or betrayed. They find forgiveness for their abusers and put them in God’s hands. They stop their addictions and find peace within themselves. As they seek the support, help and guidance of church leaders, members of the church, members in the group, and also their sponsors, they start to love and support themselves. Even though it is a difficult thing to experience, there is hope. Through a support group, the twelve steps, and keeping commitments, women who love too much can be alleviated of these weaknesses, and receive freedom in their lives. It is only through relying on the atonement of Jesus Christ that they can receive that freedom and truly heal.

A Woman who loves too much-

Relies on fixing a man, instead of healing the broken parts within herself

Often grew up in a dysfunctional environment

It is common to have been expected by her family members to fix them

Feels she doesn’t deserve or is worthy of being loved by a strong, kind, gentle man

Often is a strong, capable, smart, driven, successful woman

Has weak boundaries and let others control, manipulate or abuse her

Has relationships with men that are needy, unwilling to heal themselves and are dependent on her to fix them

Has dysfunctional, unstable, abusive, insecure, unhealthy, unsafe romantic relationships

Affairs are common

Has trust issues, particularly with men

Often were sexually abused as a child

Feel her life is out of control, so she has the need to put back together broken men

Is addicted to love/sex

Hides from the pain within herself through dating dysfunctional men, instead of taking the time to heal herself

It is common for her to go from one relationship to another, and not let the pain from a broken relationship heal with time

It is common to have ‘daddy issues’

On the website loveaddicts.org, they have information for women on how to heal their addictions and obsessions with love. The program is called Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA).  Below are the 12 promises that are associated with the 12 steps-

1.   I have a new sense of freedom because I am letting go of the past.

2.      I am hopeful about my future relationships.

3.      I can be attracted to someone without falling in love overnight, and I can fall in love without obsessing.

4.      If love does overwhelm me I do not act out in addictive ways.

5.      I can tell the difference between fantasies and reality.

6.      I do not have to control the ones I love nor let them control me.

7.      I experience relationships one at a time and I do not get involved with “unavailable” people.

8.      If my basic needs are not being met, I can end my relationship.

9.      I can leave anyone who is abusing me either verbally or physically.

10.  I do not do for others what they should be doing for themselves.

11.  I love myself as much as I love others.

12.   I look to my High Power for strength, guidance, and the willingness to change.