Blended Families

This week in my family relations class, the topic was divorce and remarriage. We discussed in length about blended families. I am indirectly affected by a blended family. My dad was 40 years old with seven children, when he and my mom were married. At the time, she was 26 years old, and only eight years older than her oldest step twin daughters. She became a grandma when she became a mother!

She and my dad had three children together. I am the youngest child, ten in total. However, I am seven years younger than my closest sibling, so my siblings are quite older than I am. My oldest twin sisters are 28 years older than me. Five of my siblings are old enough to be my parents. When I was born, I was already an aunt. I became a great-aunt when I turned 16. I have nieces and nephews who are younger than me that are starting their families before I do. It’s an interesting family to be apart of! It’s been an adjustment getting used to the different dynamics of our family.

Here are some suggestions for blended families-

Step-parent: Take on the role of an engaged aunt/uncle

Parent- Handle all of the heavy discipline

Discuss the roles of each parent behind closed doors

My teacher has worked with many families, including his own with that process and seen great results. From my experience, I can understand how it would great benefit all involved to implement those guidelines.

This is my last blog post for this class. Thank you to all of my readers for your support and comments! I greatly enjoyed having this blog. I also look forward to continuing it! 

Intimacy

The most sacred privilege give to us by God is having the ability to bring children into this world. We are expected to keep it sacred in our marriages, and also in our teachings to our children.

Here are some guidelines in having fidelity in your marriage-

·         Never be alone with the opposite sex

·         Be fiercely loyal

·         Have clear boundaries

·         The most important person is your spouse

·         Put your spouse first

·         Leave your parents and cleave unto your spouse

·         Give service to the opposite sex with your spouse

·         Make sure that your friends support your marriage

·         Love your spouse more than your children

·         Be unified and equal with your spouse in all things

·         Keep your covenants

·         Cleave unto your spouse and no one/nothing else

Here are some guidelines for parents in teaching your children the sacredness of intimacy-

·         The most important source of knowledge about sex is you 

·         Teach them boundaries for dating

·         Prepare your daughters for dating by having daddy-daughter dates

·         Have open communication with your children, so they feel safe and comfortable coming to you with their curiosities and questions

·         The age of when you start talking to your child about intimacy depends on the child and when they are ready

·         Teach them about modesty by your example

·         Teach them the importance of bridling their passions, have self-control and self-discipline

·         View clean and uplifting media

·         Teach them the sacredness of their bodies, compare it to the Temple

·         Line up your behavior with how you want them to become

·         Teach them the purpose that intimacy serves

·         Have appropriate affection with your spouse in front of your children

Leadership Meetings

In leadership meetings, it’s important for everyone in the group to be equal and all to be heard. Here are some guidelines for that to be accomplished-

1.      Focus on the fundamentals

-          The doctrine needs to remain pure

2.      Focus on the people

-          Review the needs of the members

-          Make sure everything said is in strict confidence

3.      Promote free and open expression

-          Everyone’s opinions should be valued

-          Leaders should listen as much as they speak

4.      Participation is a privilege

-          Follow the Lord’s will

-          Responsibility comes with leading

-          Advocate the position I believe is to be right

5.      Lead with love

D&C 121:41-42 Persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, kindness, pure knowledge 

Family Council

The family council method is given to families for their success and growth. It is patterned after the weekly meetings that the apostles have. Elder Ballard has great information about the subject through his books and conference talks. Here are the guidelines for the family council-

1.  Meet in a sacred place (home)
2.  Set aside a regular time each week
3.   Express love and appreciation
4.   Open with prayer, seeking to know God’s will
5.    Discuss topics until everyone comes to an agreement, regarding what the Lord would have happen
6.  Close with prayer, seeking to follow through with God’s will and express gratitude
7.  Have refreshments

My teacher explained to us that physical contact helps while having family council. When he and his wife have family council, they sit on their bed, and he massages her feet. That provides a connection between them while they discuss important matters.

I first learned about the council method last fall semester in one of my family classes at BYUI. Soon after we discussed it in class, I was having a difficult time with a roommate. I taught her the council method, we were able to implement it in our friendship, and it improved our relationship greatly and now we are close friends. It softens hearts, and it changes perspectives. I recommend this to everyone, especially those wanting to improve their relationships. 

Active Parenting

          This past week in my family relations class, our teacher had us watch the video series Active Parenting of Teens, before class. Here is the link to the 4 videos:
 http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.htmlStartCue=12&EndCue=1997&VideoName=1560_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.htmlStartCue=0&EndCue=1643&VideoName=1561_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.htmlStartCue=6&EndCue=1754&VideoName=1562_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.htmlStartCue=12&EndCue=2096&VideoName=1563_dvd&VideoType=libraryvideos

Each section is half an hour long, and I definitely recommend it to everyone. It’s not just for parents with teens, but also a great tool to strengthen relationships. The video teaches that we cannot not communicate. Even when we are speaking, we are still communicating. Through our body language, and actions. Here are some guidelines of active communicating-
1. Listen Actively
 2. Respond to feelings
3. Look for alternatives/evaluate consequences
4. Offer Encouragement
5. Follow up later

 Here are some ways to work through problems-
1. Use I statements
2. Explain how you feel about the problem
3. Explain why you have those feelings
4. Explain your desires/expectations
5. Give a firm reminder- short, simple, be respectful

 We as human beings all have needs. It’s important for those needs to be met, for us to have healthy emotional lives. Here is an example of some of those needs-
1. Power
2. Contact
3. Belonging
4. Protection

 “You can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need cannot satisfy you.”
 –John H Groberg

 How we discourage-
1. Expect too little
2. Focus on mistakes
3. Expect too much
4. Overprotect/pamper/enable

 How we encourage-
1. Show confidence
2. Build on strengths
3. Learn to value
 4. Stimulate independence

My heroes!

This Father's day, I thought a lot about the men in my life who are a light for me to follow. They are worthy priesthood holders who not only talk the talk, but walk the walk as well. When they are called upon to give someone a priesthood blessing, they are worthy and ready to minister in Christ's name, to provide blessings, comfort, guidance, and counsel. These men are my heroes. They give everything to their families and to the Lord. They are men of God. I can see it and I can feel it.
They are imperfect, however they shine with the light of Christ. They are self-less and are aware of the needs of those around them. They sacrifice their time and energy for other people. They know the importance of families, and give their all to their wives and children. They are self-sufficient and provide not only for their families, but assist those in need.
They are willing to stay up late to work on your car, when they have work early the next morning and to help you with homework when they have homework themselves. They have very difficult challenges, yet they push through them. They never let a trial break them. They are trustworthy and respectful. You can sense they care about you, and they have your back. They never raise their voice, and they are always in control of their emotions and actions.
They are always there for you, even when they are exhausted and have no energy left. Whenever you are down or struggling, they do everything they can to make you laugh and to put a smile on your face, no matter how long it takes. They find great amusement in teasing you, and bring joy into your life. Their sense of calm and peace gives you reassurance that everything is going to be alright and you can get through anything.
Their firm foundations protect you, and provides safety and relief from the storms of life. They are humble in their service, and also when they need assistance. They know what is truly important and are always willing to share their wisdom and experiences. They uplift those around them and their sense of humors lightens your burdens. They are always there when you just need someone to talk to, and they give the best advice!
Most importantly, they exemplify the Savior Jesus Christ. Our earthly fathers provided the way for us to receive bodies, however our Heavenly Father gave us life. My Father in heaven is everything to me. He is my light, my hope, my faith, my strength, my courage, my foundation, my pillar, and my comfort. He is my everything!

Marriage is not natural, it's divine!

Marriage is not natural, it is divine. The divine means to put off the natural man, and to step beyond what is natural. The average couples marriage’s satisfaction decreases when they begin having children. Below are suggestions of what couples can do to increase, their level of satisfaction in their marriage, when their children begin arriving.

Wise young parents anticipate the additional work-load and decreased time alone. They plan and implement means of sharing the work and pleasure of early parenting:

-It’s important that the father is involved in the pre-natal checkups.

- Engage the father in the kicks and other pre-natal bonding events.

-Assure that the father takes precedence over others during the birth.

- Involve the husband in what the wife is experiencing.

- Share tender moments with your child together.

- Be very careful to validate your partner, expressing love and appreciation for what she/he is experiencing.

- Look for opportunities to lighten the other’s load.

- Though the baby’s needs and deserves constant care, don’t forget that your partner helped to bring him/her into the world.

-Get proper nutrition, rest and other needs met as well.

- Take turns wherever possible, so each is cared for.

- Watch for indications of medical needs.

- Develop and utilize a process for asking for help from one another.

- Express love/appreciation frequently

- Plan carefully for the changes for each of you.

- Don’t forget about your spouse’s needs.

-Look for opportunities to boost each other.

-Take turns with both the fun and not so fun tasks.

The husband and wife’s relationship is most important. The degree of success of parenthood depends on the success of the marriage.

Love is a commitment to the well-being and happiness of another person.